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Cognitive Distortions 4

Loving Lifelong Learning • Nov 23, 2022

Cognitive Distortions 4

Grappling through emotions, chaos, perceptions, and expectations can be rough, tough, and tumble indeed!


As we embark forward to covering this helpful, needful, but often skipped over, (or perhaps avoided), topic the goal is to do so with the timing of holidays upon us and rolling forward very quickly!


So...our next set of sub-topics in the realm of cognitive distortions involves Emotional Reasoning, Fallacy of Fairness, ALWAYS Being Right, and Heaven’s Reward Fallacy.


Emotional Reasoning, this is where our emotions and feelings tend to scramble or hijack our clear logical thinking process. Our brain is so overcome with colliding emotions and perhaps a tsunami of unsettledness, all rational thoughts and logic seems to disappear. For many in our culture, this is a counter intuitive idea. One questions...these are my TRUE feelings; how can they be inaccurate? They are mine, what I truly feel in this moment and each one is 100% accurate. This thinking can quickly become a “Self-FulfillingProphecy” over time. Examples of this dangerous way of thinking may sound like:

“I feel stupid, therefore I am stupid.”

“I feel inferior, so I am a second-rate person.”

“I feel hopeless, so I am doomed to fail.”

“I feel inadequate, unsuccessful, and unhopeful so I have no hope to succeed.”

“I feel it, so it MUST be TRUE!!”

Assuming our emotions and feelings reflect non-negotiable facts can be a dangerous path to traverse. Accepting our emotions and current feelings as pure truth is different from owning our feelings and seeking to work through them.


Lately, we are all thinking toward, planning for, and perhaps even hoping for a beautifully wrapped up holiday season filled with peaceful planning, delicious delicacies, and settled schedules. While these are noble hopes...hmmmm are they truly realistic?


Now, on the other hand, heading toward the holidays might stir the daunting memories of the recent or longtime past. Statements such as:

“Here comes another couple of months of misery as the holidays are ALWAYS miserable for us!”

“The holidays are NEVER happy around me; I hate the holidays and they hate me.”


Fallacy of Fairness involves a strong belief of your view and according to the rules and judgements you hold, anything which does not fall into your personal take on the situation.Cooperation and collaboration does not always seem or appear fair. But let’s unfold this a bit more, fairness versus equality. If something is fair, it meets the needs of all involved.For example, at the dinner table, when this is fair, each person eating is given the opportunity to partake of foods which will offer their physical body necessary nutrition. If a situation is equal, each person will be given exactly the same portion and provided with exactly the same foods to eat. Equality for someone who has a dietary issues won’t work in this scenario. If there is an allergy, giving each individual the same amount and type of foods is not reasonable. The same is so mentally and emotionally. Deductions we make in our thought process, ways we interact with and speak to in relationships does matter. While the hope is kindness would prevail, adopting thoughts such as...


“If my partner really cares about me and my wellbeing, they would take on more responsibility with this house”.

“If(a certain situation)happened to this person I would do _______,(therefore they should do what I BELIEVE I would do).Why are they not doing ________, (more or better or different), to/with/for me?“

"If (someone else)were going through a tough time like I am...I WOULD be calling and sending them cards...therefore, I KNOW they really don’t care because they are not calling and sending me cards.”

Fair and equal can lead us to extreme thoughts and cause us to place unnecessary judgements on ourselves and others.


Always being right, yikes, this is a cycling trap which keeps going around and around and around and around. In this case, we justify our own way of thinking or behaving...being wrong or at fault is entirely UNTHINKABLE. As this thought pattern continues, it FEELS so logical it gravitates quickly to illogical...And let’s face it, we have all been present and heard someone caught spinning in this type of a thought pattern. It feels almost impossible to listen and the deep desire is evident that the goal is WINNING...and there is no room for any sort of conversation, must less a debate. This can be fatal to relationships...let us raise our awareness and open our minds. Very different from compromising of self, we all learn from listening, considering, and then making informed decisions.


Heavens Reward Fallacy, sad but true, wouldn’t it be amazing if we were immediately noticed and rewarded EVERY time we KNOW and BELIEVE we had done the RIGHT thing?At times there is a tendency to invest so strongly, we are at risk of becoming inclined to ignore our own vital needs in hopes of a reward. This leads to a martyr’s viewpoint where themes of severe personal sacrifice and unproductive self-denial invade. While we all desire to love fully and completely and to be loved the same way, we must keep perspective.


So...if plans for the holidays do not seem to be coming together...remember priorities are noble, finding the important elements of a situation is imperative, but keep a healthy hold of yourself and seek to grasp all the good possible in regard to others.


So...for years...we have traditionally hosted a Thanksgiving Breakfast in an effort to include, connect, embrace, and celebrate with a diverse array of loved ones in our lives. 2019 marks the last year we hosted this event which traditionally exceeded 100 for attendees and offered 1000’s of beautiful memories. Covid (in our estimation) ended it...


Applying the aforementioned subtopics to this real-life scenario has been thought provoking...


Emotional Reasoning - We feel empty without carrying on this tradition so now every Thanksgiving is empty.

The truth is our Thanksgivings 2020 & 2021 looked to be very different but exactly what we and those who ended up joining us needed... and this one coming up...has already been a MIGHTY Adventure to plan and put together...woohoo!


Fallacy of Fairness –COVID killed our tradition and our lives are awful and UNFAIR.

The truth is Covid changed everyone’s life and view of traditions. We are grateful to have lived through it and we will see what the future holds!


ALWAYS Being Right -NO Thanksgiving event has EVER been what ours was...

The truth is there are an array of amazing Thanksgiving events and celebrations. Our style was right for us and we want to always remember the good which grew and the potential we have for moving forward while allowing those who have attended in the past to reignite the tradition or have freedom to have begun their own with a background of sincere inspiration!


Heaven’s Reward Fallacy –“ For Heaven’s sake....now we have to find something else to help us earn rewards...”

The truth is we would not have to do anything perceived as special to keep moving forward in life. The sacrifices and willingness we choose to make, we are doing with the best and healthiest intentions...we can sleep in peace every night!


While we have thought through the right time to re-open and re-ignite the tradition, we do not know when or if that will ever be we shall wait see;)! For now...we are going to gobble up the goodness which awaits us for this week! And for all who are reading this...we pray safety, health, and immense wellness for YOU & YOURS ☺


Processing through life

Feels like navigating strife


Filter through to find the joy

Focus on good and employ


Refrain from jumping into negativity

Keep on questing toward positivity


Catastrophe and calm reason

May not merge in each season


Push through and say you will

Even on standby find a calm still


Yes maybe you shoulda or coulda

But let go of the revolving woulda


Grit and persevere

Mindfully drop fear


When hope is distant without a WIN

Gear up to find the next path to begin 


Press through 

You CAN do!



© 2022 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D 

  Alongside her husband B

In Honor of SEL Day… March 11th

By Loving Lifelong Learning • 11 Mar, 2024
By now in your journey… regardless of age or stage, you have most likely heard the term “SEL” or Social Emotional Learning. But what does it really and truly imply? SEL is a detailed and multi-faceted process through which we function by; understanding and managing emotions, making plans and striving to achieve goals, feeling and expressing empathy and thought for others, establishing and maintaining positive and healthy relationships, and displaying responsibility in decision making. Extending far beyond personal feelings, SEL is an ongoing process of merging what one knows to be true in a situation and then implementing appropriate skills and actions to direct and take the next steps and so on. SEL skills do need to be taught and practiced, lived out. Similar to other natural bents, some individuals are inclined and wired more instinctively to implement effective SEL competencies into real life situations. When prioritizing SEL in life, components of EQ or Emotional Intelligence will undoubtedly rise up. Possessing qualities of emotional intelligence will lead us to face life and the inevitable crisis points with lower stress levels and fewer overreactions. Self and social-awareness and management of self and relationships are the focus. Maintaining self-awareness and accepting one’s own capabilities and limitations leads to a strong foundation for being impactful in achieving success in self-help and growth, benefiting those around us, and fostering an overall sense of peace and happiness. Effectively navigating through life, an abundance of situations offer opportunity. Opportunity to lead even when it is not the title given to you, opportunity to stay quiet when you desperately yearn to set the record straight or prove your point, opportunity to speak up when you feel emotionally and physically tongue tied. We all have had and will continue to have growth experiences in the realm of Social Emotional Learning and its implementation. Are you able to articulate benefits you have gained thus far from seeking to learn and integrate SEL into your own life? Will you be willing to probe deeper? When have you struggled to implement SEL? Truth be known, we’ve all been there right? In the midst of an unbelievable conflict, one we may not have seen coming and could never have imagined…what happens in that moment? Seek to find commonalities of life experiences, both positive and negative, build on them well with a hope to acquire fresh skills, and hone in on the “important” and lasting impacts. After this…take the risk to make needful life, heart, and soul adjustments…This is an ongoing, thought provoking and HONEST process…Go for it! What are the differences in our emotional stances which may lead us to pursue better comprehension of our own heart and mind, embracing another person’s situation, and then demonstrating an appropriate and respectful demeanor amidst chaos and edginess that in the moment feels impossible to navigate through? Bottom line question…Where are you in your journey? It is not ever too late to learn Find a way to take a fresh turn Many talk about being well-rounded Consider options to keep you grounded In strength manage yourself and understand Impact for good no matter where you land With courage, confidence, and initiative Challenge yourself to live appreciative Embracing self and others mind and soul Making a plan to achieve the next goal Take each deliberate step abandoning haste Not one experience will you want to waste When called upon to sympathize Willingly take the risk to empathize Even with limitations and a lack of access Trust and wait and believe in the process Mindfully journeying leads to a continuum of health Social Emotional Learning offers heart and soul wealth © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B Add into this conversation by sharing personal experiences & scenarios!

Life is a Puzzle

By Loving Lifelong Learning • 30 Jan, 2024
January 29  th is NATIONAL PUZZLE DAY…This is truly what they say! This may be overstated at times, but oh so true. Doesn’t LIFE feel like an ENORMOUS puzzle to untangle or solve? Do you feel like you are relentlessly on guard to cover, work through, need to solve or figure a whole lot of somethings and happenings out?? Are you concerned in the here and now and are not all the way sure how to get through just for today? Relating to good friends, acquaintances, coworkers, or even family members or siblings might feel puzzling and filled with emotions which need to be navigated through to put into place. Our interactions with others and many relationships oftentimes cause us to wonder if what we are doing, saying or how we are being matters. And then we continue to ponder more and find ourselves on a wondering jaunt, maybe even a bit puzzled as we are seeking ways out of how we might find the best way to work out of or hopefully work well to get through the current MAZE before us. Perhaps in this puzzling life…we will all benefit from some tried and true thoughts toward demystifying the discombobulation which feels looming and foggy. Staying active and aware of mindful living both physically and mentally matters. Cognitive clarity is a vital component to life and living. When we endeavor forward in a variety of activities we are naturally energized. Engaging in conversation, thinking activities, reading aloud and quietly, along with completing puzzles are all pieces which help us keep vitalized and refresh on this journey we call life. Resiliency is seizing opportunities to enhance and multiply existing strength. Are you resilient? Implementing mindfully rich activities refreshes and offers a boost assisting us in building upon our fortes while simultaneously challenging areas which could benefit from growth. Operating with a mindset of extending flexibility and grace helps us connect to others and offers an internal positivity enhancement. A sense of belonging is a beautiful thing, so go for it! As you dabble forward and seek to make sense out of the happenings from your own life and times puzzle… Stand strong to end the first month of this new year well…ready to carry forward...and learn or attempt something new…You just may find refreshment on the way. Exercise your lifelong learning capabilities and find some sort of PUZZLE to engage in, perhaps a recipe to try or tweak and GO FOR IT! Join the conversation here by adding in on what YOUR most challenging life puzzle is…or share something you’ve tried to learn and part of the journey you traversed in doing so… Puzzling through life Causes joy and strife With focus resilience and grit Work your way out of the pit From a maze to an acrostic or a word search Some situations threaten to leave us in a lurch The power of a puzzle… Does it feel like a muzzle? Or will you work life’s puzzles and seek to solve Finding meaningful teachable moments to resolve… In some ways all lives are a puzzle to be seen and loudly heard Other days so much action takes place without a spoken word Whatever the season However you reason May your life puzzle come together in spite of the suspense Mindfully leading your heart and soul to help it make sense © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B For extended inspiration…check out these links! https://blog.tcea.org/five-crossword-puzzle-makers/?utm_source=TCEA+Emails&utm_campaign=6bf24803e6 RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_f3a5bb651e-6bf24803e6 68333575&ct=t(RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN)&mc_cid=6bf24803e6&mc_eid=00c98f8b07 https://blog.tcea.org/happy-national-puzzle-day/

Unraveling Life's Tangles: A Journey of Inspiration, Balance, and Renewed Vigor

By Loving Lifelong Learning • 18 Jan, 2024
Recently…in the midst of navigating the regular chaos of life, seeking to process the international distress, and intentionally taking time for mindful conversations, I have been INSPIRED! Inspired by caring individuals who are questioning life as well. Motivated to find the good, because it is there. Refreshed to continue doing so many tasks I LOVE. Seeking to achieve balance. Why do we assume every piece of life has been easy? Quite frankly, it feels tangled! Not long ago, I was in the process of working with my hair, yes my hair. The set-up is amazing, including heavy duty durable outlets in a hidden cabinet and space for all of the necessary equipment to take care of my “aging” hair. This system works well, has for quite some time, keeps the bathroom tidy and is typically maneuverable. One specific day it became super complicated…oh no…all of those times I was hurrying, avoiding keeping things in order, came to haunt me with the TANGLING of much more than the 2 cords it had begun with. YIKES! I had a huge mess, was in a frantic hurry and just kept pulling and pulling and pulling. Disconnection happened. Finally, since I was unable to make use of any of the products or hair care pieces due to the invasion of the tangled mess; I stopped… Knelt down… Took a big breath… Decided to devote the necessary effort and time to regroup this area… Ahhhhhhhhh it all came back together, operating as it needed to be and soon there was no evidence of a tangle at all. In this moment I found myself, mind wondering and wishing situations in life could be ever so easy to untangle. And even more strongly, hoping I would recognize needs immediately and find a way to intentionally untangle every “ISSUE” with greater efficiency. Life does not always go as planned. Sadness looms, loved ones in my circle are fighting for their lives, light bulbs burn out, chaos prevails, calm seems to be only an unreachable dream, and happiness a mere wish. However, in the midst of all of this, let us aim to remember…Balance is key, questions are okay, and yes life is filled with an array of tangles. So…what are we to do now? I certainly don’t have exact answers…but maybe we can quest forward with renewed vigor to: Redefine balance as a goal & accept uneven terrain through the process. Perhaps find and opt for another lens to view through. Ponder living in a state of Being amidst all of the Doing. Consider whether lovingkindness is a filter for which you function. And…What about dedicating some time right now to untangling something and making TODAY your BEST DAY EVER?! Is this possible? What if we all prioritize maintaining the TANGLES by rebooting, refreshing, and reviving? And possibly attempt to approach these tasks and TANGLES as gifts to unwrap? Endeavoring to see all situations and individuals as filled with potential, and focusing on the good, the beauty, and the best, which is yet to come…WOW! Well…wouldn’t that be WONDERUL?! On the journey Life feels heavy Take the time to realize Good is there to recognize Inspiration is possible Motivation is do-able Working well through pain Feels as if there is no gain Refresh your systems to reboot & flow Embracing the next season might show The beautiful and best Even when put to test Comes through Surprising you Take a look and smile Be engaged for awhile Learning and leaning into the navigatable Living and loving through the inevitable Somehow some way Things will all be okay… Love and learn to gain and grow Others might be inspired to glow © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B
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