Cognitive Distortions 3
Cognitive Distortions 3
As we continue our dive into the topic of cognitive distortions…we will do well to recall…they have an uncanny way of wreaking havoc into one’s mind, body, soul, and holiday season!
So…let us “jump right in” as we look at the propensity of “Jumping to Conclusions” being loaded with ASSUMPTIONS. Assuming typically ignites us with thoughts and take aways of happenings and are “wrongly” assigned in our mind for ourself and others. We might do this by assuming those around us view situations and processes exactly as we do. This occurs in a variety of ways under the umbrella of cognitive distortions and can be a slippery emotional slope.
Mind Reading is one way, suppose you are at an event and decide you do not like what you are wearing and the event is a disaster. Automatically assuming “everyone is laughing at me”, and thinking they believe you look “unfitting” for the occasion is wrongful mind reading. The deduction in this case may sound like, “I should have worn something different and the event would not have been a disaster, everyone here thinks I look awful and displaced.” The truth is, everyone else, as most are, really more focused on themselves rather than anyone else. The event may have been a disaster regardless of whether you felt like you had the best outfit on for it or not, and chances are, one would be hard pressed to find even a handful of those who truly believed you were displaced for the event.
Another way assumptions surface may look like this; we think or believe someone is holding a grudge or resentment toward us and we stay there, we opt to live there, choosing not to have a conversation with the person to find out their view of reality. Perhaps you notice someone or even worse, a LOVED one looks at their phone or watch while you are presenting or sharing something and you automatically assume everyone involved is bored, or worse, that you are boring, this is quite likely a wrong assumption.
The propensity to interpret or predict things negatively when there are no facts to support the conclusions is a danger to a healthy mindset. We must protect ourselves from viewing through the lens of negative experiences and consistently attaching things inappropriately.
Simply put, be aware of mind reading where you may assume someone is reacting or thinking negatively of you or a given situation, without exploring and seeking the truth with accuracy. Another aspect of framing this is that we should aim to guard our hearts from “Fortune Telling and predicting things will turn out badly”. When we hold certain perceived truths close, it becomes an established FACT in our minds and proves to be very difficult to untangle.
Catastrophizing disaster and DOOM is no comfortable place to be. Some examples include; noticing a small blemish on your arm and believing it is cancer and assuming you will be dead soon. Self-blaming in regard to a project or person you helped if they are not readily successful.
Feeling all is at a loss and defeat is certain. Allowing the “what ifs” to invade before facts are retrieved, is harmful to the thought process.
In the middle of this, let us also remember to build others up, seek to assume good, settled, and okay. Finding the balance of looking at life with and for those we are in contact with matters. And the truth is, they are most likely doing the best they are able to at the moment! On the other hand, be realistic and fact check those you will choose to trust for the long term. Will you give it a try?
Recently, we traveled internationally and enjoyed a fabulous trip to Israel. We were challenged at a number of times throughout the trip to follow through on a couple of key elements within this topic. Magnifying, minimizing, and over personalizing. When we magnify, we overemphasize the importance of problems, issues, or mistakes. Minimizing is making everything in an out of balance way very okay. Rather than zoning in on the best or worst or too much on self when we have no control, we want to live and balance well from the inside out! So…when we boarded the airplane, and found our seats, while the numbers and letters listed were in sequential order, we were not seated together. It could have ruined a large portion of
the entire trip, caused an undue emphasis and worry about the flight to return home 10 days later. While processing through the “inconvenience” and “desire” we sought the help of a flight attendant and others in our group, and yes we did end up being able to sit together! Magnifying or minimizing the issue at hand would do no one any good. Over personalizing,“travel NEVER works out for us!” would not have worked either. Calmly finding balance, we
looked for and eventually found a solution. This time it worked.
Addressing the aspect of blaming, which is holding others responsible for an event or occurrence not entirely under their control would not be helpful either. In the aforementioned situation, to blame the flight attendant for the circumstance would have made a minor disturbance a lot worse. Self-advocation is a key element for achieving balance and solid outcomes.
And finally, the “Fallacy of Change” in this domain offers a reminder to own our individual beliefs, hopes for success, and desired outcome of happiness without overextending emotionally or viewing them as only productive if those around us fall into the exact step we desire or they are eagerly willing to change in order to do so. This way of thinking leads to a vicious and tumultuous cycle that one’s life is never good enough and all because of those around them. So, in our scenario above, the flight attendant was made aware but they had clear boundaries and limitations as to the amount of help available to offer. In this instance, pressing the flight attendant to give us new seating immediately would have been counter-productive. In our case and for this situation, we ended up seated together…until the return trip home…yikes, when it happened all over again…YIKES! And such as life, we are stretched, we seek to grow. We are blind-sided, we desire to bond. We may feel paralyzed, but in spite, let us seek to dig deeper and choose to be pro-active.
While this topic offers so much to process and can be lengthy, we hope you are able to zone in on raising your personal awareness to challenge, change, and benefit forward!
Processing through life
Feels like navigating strife
Filter through to find the joy
Focus on good and employ
Refrain from jumping into negativity
Keep on questing toward positivity
Catastrophe and calm reason
May not merge in each season
Push through and say you will
Even on standby find a calm still
Yes maybe you shoulda or coulda
But let go of the revolving woulda
Grit and persevere
Mindfully drop fear
When hope is distant without a WIN
Gear up to find the next path to begin
Press through
You CAN do!
© 2022 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D
Alongside her husband B
Partnering With Parents
Empowering Educators
Polishing Pupils
Sharpening Students
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kathleensuebauer@gmail.com
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