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Relationships…How are YOU Walking

Kathleen • Oct 19, 2020

Relationships…How are YOU Walking??

We are well into Fall 2020…More unexpected has inevitably happened, the continuation of our unprecedented or shall we say extraordinary times marches forward…

This unique season of life circled by a pandemic with continued and cautious reopening of places and activities, an upcoming election, along with regular life issues and scenarios assures us of one truth…life is unpredictable.

As time carries on and we seek to put one foot in front of the other and keep things together…How are you coping? Are you walking well? At times this has been framed as “trusting the current process  to unfold” or doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do.

Our actions are heard and noticed whether we are aware or not…A question comes to mind about relating to others…Please take a brief pause to ponder… What is the single most impactful way to do life, nurture relationships, and connect appropriately with those around us??

This series will continue to share writings offering ideas of implementation into relationships of all types. Are you able to imagine self-alignment and productivity within and throughout your relationships? Mark Twain challenged us to view whatever we look at in life to influence our next steps stating, “You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”

As you know, my husband Brian is a therapist and shares a passion of refining relational endeavors…Be encouraged as the next excerpt is a concept he readily adapts to a myriad of situations in his personal life and practice.

Have you ever thought about the significance of looking at your feet? Why would anyone want to look at their feet? Maybe it is a way to remember where you are… WHAT?!?!?! Perhaps it is a way to be mindfully present in the here and now. A reminder to stop focusing on the past and stop over-worrying about the future. When we immerse into the past or the future too much, we forget where we are…the here and now. Being present with our presence. See Pic #1

When we linger in the past we are prone to get depressed…filled with shame and regret. We go through all of the “what if’s”. “Woulda Coulda Shoulda” thinking just leads to sadness and ruminating thoughts of negativity. This is actually NOT a good way to process through the past…NOT accurate. It is more like a cow chewing it’s cud…re-living the negative over and over and over again…leading to MORE negativity. It is true we can learn from the past for today and going forward…the ultimate GOAL… too many find themselves rolling in the negative slop in their minds like a pig on a hot summer day… See Pic #2

Looking to the future and over conceptualizing leads to being anxious. The fear of the unknown. Running through our mind are the million versions of what may happen, what could happen and we typically land on the most negative options in these moments forgetting solid positive options…why? When looking at the whole picture of evidence, many of the negative versions rarely happen. So why do we keep circling back to the negative forecasting of dreariness and clouds regarding career, life, and relationships? See Pic #3

We usually put 95% of our energy toward the past or future…some focus on the past more, others more on the future…many focus on a combination of both past and future leaving the present moment out. Placing about 95% of our thoughtful efforts into what we CANNOT change, the PAST and FUTURE is not a helpful or hopeful place to land. When we do this we often end up distorting the truth about what is going on in the here and now…negatively impacting memories of the past or hope of future outcomes. Using the lens of the past/future to interpret the here and now…leaves us confused and empty. See Pic #4

What would happen if we put that 95% of our energy toward NOW?!?!?!?!? This could be a step in the right direction for a healthy impact in positive and lasting change. When you find yourself trapped to the past or freaking out about the future, or possibly both…remember to mindfully LOOK  AT YOUR FEET! See Pic #5

God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I CANNOT change, the courage to change the things I CAN, and the wisdom to know the difference.

What can you do NOW, TODAY to make a difference in your life or someone around you??? Go for it!

For self and others advocate
A truer heart you will locate

Mindfully do your BEST
When put to life’s test

Of being, loving, and living well
While your story walks on to tell

Moving forward
Energize onward

Is it possible to walk, love, embrace, and live well on this journey? I want to answer with a RESOUNDING YES !!! Will you do the same? Feel free to join the discussion!

© 2020 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B🙂

By Loving Lifelong Learning 11 Mar, 2024
By now in your journey… regardless of age or stage, you have most likely heard the term “SEL” or Social Emotional Learning. But what does it really and truly imply? SEL is a detailed and multi-faceted process through which we function by; understanding and managing emotions, making plans and striving to achieve goals, feeling and expressing empathy and thought for others, establishing and maintaining positive and healthy relationships, and displaying responsibility in decision making. Extending far beyond personal feelings, SEL is an ongoing process of merging what one knows to be true in a situation and then implementing appropriate skills and actions to direct and take the next steps and so on. SEL skills do need to be taught and practiced, lived out. Similar to other natural bents, some individuals are inclined and wired more instinctively to implement effective SEL competencies into real life situations. When prioritizing SEL in life, components of EQ or Emotional Intelligence will undoubtedly rise up. Possessing qualities of emotional intelligence will lead us to face life and the inevitable crisis points with lower stress levels and fewer overreactions. Self and social-awareness and management of self and relationships are the focus. Maintaining self-awareness and accepting one’s own capabilities and limitations leads to a strong foundation for being impactful in achieving success in self-help and growth, benefiting those around us, and fostering an overall sense of peace and happiness. Effectively navigating through life, an abundance of situations offer opportunity. Opportunity to lead even when it is not the title given to you, opportunity to stay quiet when you desperately yearn to set the record straight or prove your point, opportunity to speak up when you feel emotionally and physically tongue tied. We all have had and will continue to have growth experiences in the realm of Social Emotional Learning and its implementation. Are you able to articulate benefits you have gained thus far from seeking to learn and integrate SEL into your own life? Will you be willing to probe deeper? When have you struggled to implement SEL? Truth be known, we’ve all been there right? In the midst of an unbelievable conflict, one we may not have seen coming and could never have imagined…what happens in that moment? Seek to find commonalities of life experiences, both positive and negative, build on them well with a hope to acquire fresh skills, and hone in on the “important” and lasting impacts. After this…take the risk to make needful life, heart, and soul adjustments…This is an ongoing, thought provoking and HONEST process…Go for it! What are the differences in our emotional stances which may lead us to pursue better comprehension of our own heart and mind, embracing another person’s situation, and then demonstrating an appropriate and respectful demeanor amidst chaos and edginess that in the moment feels impossible to navigate through? Bottom line question…Where are you in your journey? It is not ever too late to learn Find a way to take a fresh turn Many talk about being well-rounded Consider options to keep you grounded In strength manage yourself and understand Impact for good no matter where you land With courage, confidence, and initiative Challenge yourself to live appreciative Embracing self and others mind and soul Making a plan to achieve the next goal Take each deliberate step abandoning haste Not one experience will you want to waste When called upon to sympathize Willingly take the risk to empathize Even with limitations and a lack of access Trust and wait and believe in the process Mindfully journeying leads to a continuum of health Social Emotional Learning offers heart and soul wealth © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B Add into this conversation by sharing personal experiences & scenarios!
By Loving Lifelong Learning 30 Jan, 2024
January 29  th is NATIONAL PUZZLE DAY…This is truly what they say! This may be overstated at times, but oh so true. Doesn’t LIFE feel like an ENORMOUS puzzle to untangle or solve? Do you feel like you are relentlessly on guard to cover, work through, need to solve or figure a whole lot of somethings and happenings out?? Are you concerned in the here and now and are not all the way sure how to get through just for today? Relating to good friends, acquaintances, coworkers, or even family members or siblings might feel puzzling and filled with emotions which need to be navigated through to put into place. Our interactions with others and many relationships oftentimes cause us to wonder if what we are doing, saying or how we are being matters. And then we continue to ponder more and find ourselves on a wondering jaunt, maybe even a bit puzzled as we are seeking ways out of how we might find the best way to work out of or hopefully work well to get through the current MAZE before us. Perhaps in this puzzling life…we will all benefit from some tried and true thoughts toward demystifying the discombobulation which feels looming and foggy. Staying active and aware of mindful living both physically and mentally matters. Cognitive clarity is a vital component to life and living. When we endeavor forward in a variety of activities we are naturally energized. Engaging in conversation, thinking activities, reading aloud and quietly, along with completing puzzles are all pieces which help us keep vitalized and refresh on this journey we call life. Resiliency is seizing opportunities to enhance and multiply existing strength. Are you resilient? Implementing mindfully rich activities refreshes and offers a boost assisting us in building upon our fortes while simultaneously challenging areas which could benefit from growth. Operating with a mindset of extending flexibility and grace helps us connect to others and offers an internal positivity enhancement. A sense of belonging is a beautiful thing, so go for it! As you dabble forward and seek to make sense out of the happenings from your own life and times puzzle… Stand strong to end the first month of this new year well…ready to carry forward...and learn or attempt something new…You just may find refreshment on the way. Exercise your lifelong learning capabilities and find some sort of PUZZLE to engage in, perhaps a recipe to try or tweak and GO FOR IT! Join the conversation here by adding in on what YOUR most challenging life puzzle is…or share something you’ve tried to learn and part of the journey you traversed in doing so… Puzzling through life Causes joy and strife With focus resilience and grit Work your way out of the pit From a maze to an acrostic or a word search Some situations threaten to leave us in a lurch The power of a puzzle… Does it feel like a muzzle? Or will you work life’s puzzles and seek to solve Finding meaningful teachable moments to resolve… In some ways all lives are a puzzle to be seen and loudly heard Other days so much action takes place without a spoken word Whatever the season However you reason May your life puzzle come together in spite of the suspense Mindfully leading your heart and soul to help it make sense © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B For extended inspiration…check out these links! https://blog.tcea.org/five-crossword-puzzle-makers/?utm_source=TCEA+Emails&utm_campaign=6bf24803e6 RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_f3a5bb651e-6bf24803e6 68333575&ct=t(RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN)&mc_cid=6bf24803e6&mc_eid=00c98f8b07 https://blog.tcea.org/happy-national-puzzle-day/
By Loving Lifelong Learning 18 Jan, 2024
Recently…in the midst of navigating the regular chaos of life, seeking to process the international distress, and intentionally taking time for mindful conversations, I have been INSPIRED! Inspired by caring individuals who are questioning life as well. Motivated to find the good, because it is there. Refreshed to continue doing so many tasks I LOVE. Seeking to achieve balance. Why do we assume every piece of life has been easy? Quite frankly, it feels tangled! Not long ago, I was in the process of working with my hair, yes my hair. The set-up is amazing, including heavy duty durable outlets in a hidden cabinet and space for all of the necessary equipment to take care of my “aging” hair. This system works well, has for quite some time, keeps the bathroom tidy and is typically maneuverable. One specific day it became super complicated…oh no…all of those times I was hurrying, avoiding keeping things in order, came to haunt me with the TANGLING of much more than the 2 cords it had begun with. YIKES! I had a huge mess, was in a frantic hurry and just kept pulling and pulling and pulling. Disconnection happened. Finally, since I was unable to make use of any of the products or hair care pieces due to the invasion of the tangled mess; I stopped… Knelt down… Took a big breath… Decided to devote the necessary effort and time to regroup this area… Ahhhhhhhhh it all came back together, operating as it needed to be and soon there was no evidence of a tangle at all. In this moment I found myself, mind wondering and wishing situations in life could be ever so easy to untangle. And even more strongly, hoping I would recognize needs immediately and find a way to intentionally untangle every “ISSUE” with greater efficiency. Life does not always go as planned. Sadness looms, loved ones in my circle are fighting for their lives, light bulbs burn out, chaos prevails, calm seems to be only an unreachable dream, and happiness a mere wish. However, in the midst of all of this, let us aim to remember…Balance is key, questions are okay, and yes life is filled with an array of tangles. So…what are we to do now? I certainly don’t have exact answers…but maybe we can quest forward with renewed vigor to: Redefine balance as a goal & accept uneven terrain through the process. Perhaps find and opt for another lens to view through. Ponder living in a state of Being amidst all of the Doing. Consider whether lovingkindness is a filter for which you function. And…What about dedicating some time right now to untangling something and making TODAY your BEST DAY EVER?! Is this possible? What if we all prioritize maintaining the TANGLES by rebooting, refreshing, and reviving? And possibly attempt to approach these tasks and TANGLES as gifts to unwrap? Endeavoring to see all situations and individuals as filled with potential, and focusing on the good, the beauty, and the best, which is yet to come…WOW! Well…wouldn’t that be WONDERUL?! On the journey Life feels heavy Take the time to realize Good is there to recognize Inspiration is possible Motivation is do-able Working well through pain Feels as if there is no gain Refresh your systems to reboot & flow Embracing the next season might show The beautiful and best Even when put to test Comes through Surprising you Take a look and smile Be engaged for awhile Learning and leaning into the navigatable Living and loving through the inevitable Somehow some way Things will all be okay… Love and learn to gain and grow Others might be inspired to glow © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B
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