5 Love Languages TOUCH & GIFTS

 In Loving Lifelong Learning

How is the Love Language Journey going for you…WORDS, TIME, SERVICE…are you starting to recognize these in everyday life situations and interactions?

Viewing requests for SERVICE help with things such as dishes, laundry, or maybe the huge work project differently??

Hearing the comment “why don’t you spend more TIME with me??”, in a different light?

Picking up on the sparkle in someone’s eyes when a simple compliment is given with a true and  affirming WORD??

As mentioned before, it is best to focus in on the top 2 LOVE Languages of ourselves and others. If your significant other has the need for TIME and WORDS…do you think your doing the dishes and vacuuming around the house is going to hit the homerun you are hoping for?? While those are noble and needful tasks…prioritizing on their top two, allows your energy and focus to increase optimum benefit for all involved!!

BIG TIP: You will often find your top two Love Languages may differ from your significant others, best friend, siblings, etc… It is not uncommon for one to be drawn to or connect with someone who has a different Love Language priority list. On one hand this can offer balance in life and loving others, on the other hand it can cause potential conflict and loneliness…since we all tend to fall back on seeking to love others the way we feel loved. While it is a noble effort to love well, realizing someone else may resonate with being loved differently can change relationships!

This is why a SERVICE person may not have the capacity to fully understand how someone can question their love for them when they are trying to help accomplish a NEVER ENDING to do list of things for someone…while the other party only longs to have their significant other just sit down with them (TIME) to watch the news, work on a puzzle together, or simply just “BE”. The SERVICE person feels like sitting is a waste of time…the TIME person could care less that the kitchen counter will have been wiped down for the 20th time today…both totally missing each other in speaking different Love Languages.

NOW …Not to complicate the matter…BUT…let’s add the final two Love Languages Drs. Chapman and Trent highlight in their work…TOUCH and GIFTS.

#4 Physical Touch: A POWERFUL tool of sharing love…touching is natural…however we must be ever mindful of appropriate touch.

Physical Touch can demonstrate a sense of trust, connectedness, affirmation and caring…unfortunately, it can also demonstrate mistrust, detachment, danger, anger, and cruelty. Touch is misinterpreted very easily so beware! This looks different in dating, marriage, amongst friends, in the classroom, workplace or home…and NOW …especially in 2020 through the lens of COVID.

People with the Love Language of Touch are DYING with COVID…there is little to no space outside immediate homesteads to hug our best buddies, shake hands with colleagues, gather in close to chat or read, share a familiar old fashioned HIGH 5, or receive a pat on the shoulder of encouragement…just to acknowledge a physical presence and caring seems so far gone…HELP!!!!

Recently, we attended a funeral service where we saw the owner of the funeral home who is a long time family friend. He, thankfully, gave me, (Brian), a HUGE BEAR HUG at which point I told him “I may be stopping by once a week for a weekly hug”… just kidding…but not really. Through this pandemic, several clients have asked for a hand shake even during COVID because they miss the PHYSICAL powerful connection of their Love Language…TOUCH!

TIP: Allow the other person to be your coach on what kind of touch is filling versus costing. AND always be aware of the motive touch is initiated with.      

#5 Receiving Gifts: Gifts are visual symbols of love and they are shared in every culture…we share gifts at birthdays, holidays, special events and at times… JUST BECAUSE…To the person who has this as one of their top resonating languages…the smallest of gifts mean a LOT. Have you heard of the phrase, “It’s the thought that counts?!” For these people it RINGS ever so TRUE! AND they LOVE the STUFF too!

A relative of ours LOVES getting and giving gifts…enjoys being handed the package and unwrapping it with anticipation…he also loves wrapping gifts with anticipation of how it will make the other person feel when they open it. The smallest of gifts bring this gift set pure joy…

Small thoughtful goodies like a favorite coffee drink, candy, or perhaps it’s a long awaited purchase someone has put extra funds or money aside and saved for, really connect in with this LOVE Language. We all need to remember, the giving of gifts should never be used as a substitute, payment, or a bribe. If you are a saver and have a “GIFTs” person in your life, consider purchases an investment in the relationship. Making someone “pay” for it by notating the cost or process to purchase over and over negates the good act of a wonderful gift.

Giving and offering the GIFT of a kind and honest SELF is paramount in this arena and the elements of true commitment, depth of character, and sincere friendship matter.

TIP:  Always seek to invest and give with an open hand and heart.

So…figure yours out…figure your LOVED ones out…and pay it forward!!! Try not to leave others to “figure” yours out…they may need help so be open, aware, and HELPFUL…having necessary conversations…and of course as always…feel free to add your thoughts and perspectives here!

Express desire versus demand
Connections do not command

Allow heart, mind, and soul to unify
With loved ones seek peace and apply

Quest to live and love well
Mindfully your story to tell

Whatever WORDS you choose to say
Thoughtfully lift a heart come what may

Will you take TIME to extend beyond schedules and yourself
SERVING in relationships offering more than your back shelf?

GIFTS and TOUCH are powerful, but can be a detriment
Thoughtfully and wisely consider when you implement

© 2020 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D

Alongside her husband B 🙂