5 Love Languages TIME & SERVICE
Have you found yourself hearing WORDS of AFFIRMATION in your conversations since the last post?
Have you sought to give more compliments, appreciation and encouraging words to others?
Perhaps you have noticed being the recipient of more endearing words??
Are kind and humble words more detectible to you these days?
Maybe the gift of WORDS rises as one of your top two Love Languages, or resonates with you regarding a relationship you have. Are you still working on putting the puzzle pieces together?
TIP: Sometimes we can zero in on what someone’s top Love Languages may be by listening to their requests, desires or… at times, complaints…
We don’t seem to talk any more…even when we have the opportunity…you are so quiet…
Why don’t we spend more time together?
I feel you never help me around the house, or with the kids…we used to do these activities together…
As we go forward with this 5 LOVE Language concept…we are going to focus on the one thing we ALL NEED MORE of…and it is TIME!!! Additionally, we will explore how SERVICE can be a loving force for many…We will then continue to work on the concepts of these two aspects as well as what we have learned about the gift of WORDS priorly…
Some natural bents not only desire TIME, their inner beings cry for it…
#2 Quality Time: This one can be a TOUGH delivery…WE are all so pressed for it…this is a challenge to carry out consistently, yet it’s DO-able!!
Quality Time is giving someone your undivided attention. The key element here is not proximity but personal attention!! This can look like Quality Conversation…which can be confused with Words of Affirmation at times. The difference is…Quality Conversation focuses on what is being heard and the time of shared experience, versus Words of Affirmation focuses on what is being spoken. Quality Time can also be Quality Activities…spending time doing something that is important to the other person.
Taking a moment (opportunities) to stop and listen and look over something someone is excited about matters and builds heartily into their “tank”, taking a photo of or asking questions about the process, expressing genuine interest in why and how, even raking leaves together or other home projects…simply hanging together for a common purpose or cause.
This looks like:
- Engaged conversation: eye contact, validation, observing body language
- Be aware of interrupting
- Active listening and feedback
- Following the interest level of the person
- Quality Activities…doing things together actively is not always as important as the being together element of the activity… for example, watching an athletic practice, or
zooming in to watch them share a presentation, taking an outdoor hike or walk is great too!
#4 Acts of Service: This is one that can fall naturally into daily routine…
Acts of Service express a sincere desire to help another in a practical way, with a cheerful attitude, not in a begrudgingly manner. It is doing something for a loved one or coworker, being helpful to them by taking a task off of their to do list, or accomplishing a task or fixing something they cannot do themselves.
Service is planning or rising to the occasion to help someone else in a productive needful manner.
This looks like:
- Filling a gas tank, scraping their windows
- Completing small favors like picking up where someone has left off… like a pile of laundry dried and ready to be folded started by one may be finished by another;)
TIP: if you have this Love Language, or someone in your life does…obtain a practical list of what you or they can do to help around the house, the office…which will be helpful for you!!! Often one will do a task thinking it is helpful for their spouse such as do a load of laundry, when they secretly were hoping you would vacuum instead. Demystify what is helpful by asking or requesting!!!
There are times where two Love Languages could be merged at the same time. Example… this past weekend we had leaves to pick up in our yard…yes everyone in Kirkwood has to clean leaves during the Fall. We were in the yard together enjoying the beautiful weather, the time together and getting something done which needed to be done…three times, yes three times in one weekend as they were falling fast and furious. See how this was Quality Time and Service all at once…??
Express desire versus demand
Connections do not command
Allow heart, mind, and soul to unify
With loved ones seek peace and apply
Quest to live and love well
Mindfully your story to tell
Whatever WORDS you choose to say
Thoughtfully lift a heart come what may
Will you take TIME to extend beyond schedules and yourself
SERVING in relationships offering more than your back shelf?
© 2020 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D
Alongside her husband B 🙂