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5 Love Languages TIME & SERVICE

Kathleen • Nov 11, 2020

Have you found yourself hearing WORDS of AFFIRMATION in your conversations since the last post?

Have you sought to give more compliments, appreciation and encouraging words to others?

Perhaps you have noticed being the recipient of more endearing words??

Are kind and humble words more detectible to you these days?

Maybe the gift of WORDS rises as one of your top two Love Languages, or resonates with you regarding a relationship you have. Are you still working on putting the puzzle pieces together?

TIP: Sometimes we can zero in on what someone’s top Love Languages may be by listening to their requests, desires or… at times, complaints…

We don’t seem to talk any more…even when we have the opportunity…you are so quiet…

Why don’t we spend more time together?

I feel you never help me around the house, or with the kids…we used to do these activities together…

As we go forward with this 5 LOVE Language concept…we are going to focus on the one thing we ALL NEED MORE of…and it is TIME!!! Additionally, we will explore how SERVICE can be a loving force for many…We will then continue to work on the concepts of these two aspects as well as what we have learned about the gift of WORDS priorly…

Some natural bents not only desire TIME, their inner beings cry for it…

#2 Quality Time: This one can be a TOUGH delivery…WE are all so pressed for it…this is a challenge to carry out consistently, yet it’s DO-able!!

Quality Time is giving someone your undivided attention. The key element here is not proximity but personal attention!! This can look like Quality Conversation…which can be confused with Words of Affirmation at times. The difference is…Quality Conversation focuses on what is being heard and the time of shared experience, versus Words of Affirmation focuses on what is being spoken. Quality Time can also be Quality Activities…spending time doing something that is important to the other person.

Taking a moment (opportunities) to stop and listen and look over something someone is excited about matters and builds heartily into their “tank”, taking a photo of or asking questions about the process, expressing genuine interest in why and how, even raking leaves together or other home projects…simply hanging together for a common purpose or cause.

This looks like:

  • Engaged conversation: eye contact, validation, observing body language
    • Be aware of interrupting
    • Active listening and feedback
  • Following the interest level of the person
  • Quality Activities…doing things together actively is not always as important as the being together element of the activity… for example, watching an athletic practice, or
    zooming in to watch them share a presentation, taking an outdoor hike or walk is great too!

#4 Acts of Service: This is one that can fall naturally into daily routine…

Acts of Service express a sincere desire to help another in a practical way, with a cheerful attitude, not in a begrudgingly manner. It is doing something for a loved one or coworker, being helpful to them by taking a task off of their to do list, or accomplishing a task or fixing something they cannot do themselves.

Service is planning or rising to the occasion to help someone else in a productive needful manner.

This looks like:

  • Cleaning
  • Cooking
  • Dishes
  • Filling a gas tank, scraping their windows
  • Completing small favors like picking up where someone has left off… like a pile of laundry dried and ready to be folded started by one may be finished by another;)

TIP: if you have this Love Language, or someone in your life does…obtain a practical list of what you or they can do to help around the house, the office…which will be helpful for you!!! Often one will do a task thinking it is helpful for their spouse such as do a load of laundry, when they secretly were hoping you would vacuum instead. Demystify what is helpful by asking or requesting!!!

There are times where two Love Languages could be merged at the same time. Example… this past weekend we had leaves to pick up in our yard…yes everyone in Kirkwood has to clean leaves during the Fall. We were in the yard together enjoying the beautiful weather, the time together and getting something done which needed to be done…three times, yes three times in one weekend as they were falling fast and furious. See how this was Quality Time and Service all at once…??

Express desire versus demand
 Connections do not command

Allow heart, mind, and soul to unify
 With loved ones seek peace and apply

Quest to live and love well
 Mindfully your story to tell

Whatever WORDS you choose to say
 Thoughtfully lift a heart come what may

Will you take TIME to extend beyond schedules and yourself
SERVING in relationships offering more than your back shelf?

© 2020 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D
Alongside her husband B🙂

In Honor of SEL Day… March 11th

By Loving Lifelong Learning • 11 Mar, 2024
By now in your journey… regardless of age or stage, you have most likely heard the term “SEL” or Social Emotional Learning. But what does it really and truly imply? SEL is a detailed and multi-faceted process through which we function by; understanding and managing emotions, making plans and striving to achieve goals, feeling and expressing empathy and thought for others, establishing and maintaining positive and healthy relationships, and displaying responsibility in decision making. Extending far beyond personal feelings, SEL is an ongoing process of merging what one knows to be true in a situation and then implementing appropriate skills and actions to direct and take the next steps and so on. SEL skills do need to be taught and practiced, lived out. Similar to other natural bents, some individuals are inclined and wired more instinctively to implement effective SEL competencies into real life situations. When prioritizing SEL in life, components of EQ or Emotional Intelligence will undoubtedly rise up. Possessing qualities of emotional intelligence will lead us to face life and the inevitable crisis points with lower stress levels and fewer overreactions. Self and social-awareness and management of self and relationships are the focus. Maintaining self-awareness and accepting one’s own capabilities and limitations leads to a strong foundation for being impactful in achieving success in self-help and growth, benefiting those around us, and fostering an overall sense of peace and happiness. Effectively navigating through life, an abundance of situations offer opportunity. Opportunity to lead even when it is not the title given to you, opportunity to stay quiet when you desperately yearn to set the record straight or prove your point, opportunity to speak up when you feel emotionally and physically tongue tied. We all have had and will continue to have growth experiences in the realm of Social Emotional Learning and its implementation. Are you able to articulate benefits you have gained thus far from seeking to learn and integrate SEL into your own life? Will you be willing to probe deeper? When have you struggled to implement SEL? Truth be known, we’ve all been there right? In the midst of an unbelievable conflict, one we may not have seen coming and could never have imagined…what happens in that moment? Seek to find commonalities of life experiences, both positive and negative, build on them well with a hope to acquire fresh skills, and hone in on the “important” and lasting impacts. After this…take the risk to make needful life, heart, and soul adjustments…This is an ongoing, thought provoking and HONEST process…Go for it! What are the differences in our emotional stances which may lead us to pursue better comprehension of our own heart and mind, embracing another person’s situation, and then demonstrating an appropriate and respectful demeanor amidst chaos and edginess that in the moment feels impossible to navigate through? Bottom line question…Where are you in your journey? It is not ever too late to learn Find a way to take a fresh turn Many talk about being well-rounded Consider options to keep you grounded In strength manage yourself and understand Impact for good no matter where you land With courage, confidence, and initiative Challenge yourself to live appreciative Embracing self and others mind and soul Making a plan to achieve the next goal Take each deliberate step abandoning haste Not one experience will you want to waste When called upon to sympathize Willingly take the risk to empathize Even with limitations and a lack of access Trust and wait and believe in the process Mindfully journeying leads to a continuum of health Social Emotional Learning offers heart and soul wealth © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B Add into this conversation by sharing personal experiences & scenarios!

Life is a Puzzle

By Loving Lifelong Learning • 30 Jan, 2024
January 29  th is NATIONAL PUZZLE DAY…This is truly what they say! This may be overstated at times, but oh so true. Doesn’t LIFE feel like an ENORMOUS puzzle to untangle or solve? Do you feel like you are relentlessly on guard to cover, work through, need to solve or figure a whole lot of somethings and happenings out?? Are you concerned in the here and now and are not all the way sure how to get through just for today? Relating to good friends, acquaintances, coworkers, or even family members or siblings might feel puzzling and filled with emotions which need to be navigated through to put into place. Our interactions with others and many relationships oftentimes cause us to wonder if what we are doing, saying or how we are being matters. And then we continue to ponder more and find ourselves on a wondering jaunt, maybe even a bit puzzled as we are seeking ways out of how we might find the best way to work out of or hopefully work well to get through the current MAZE before us. Perhaps in this puzzling life…we will all benefit from some tried and true thoughts toward demystifying the discombobulation which feels looming and foggy. Staying active and aware of mindful living both physically and mentally matters. Cognitive clarity is a vital component to life and living. When we endeavor forward in a variety of activities we are naturally energized. Engaging in conversation, thinking activities, reading aloud and quietly, along with completing puzzles are all pieces which help us keep vitalized and refresh on this journey we call life. Resiliency is seizing opportunities to enhance and multiply existing strength. Are you resilient? Implementing mindfully rich activities refreshes and offers a boost assisting us in building upon our fortes while simultaneously challenging areas which could benefit from growth. Operating with a mindset of extending flexibility and grace helps us connect to others and offers an internal positivity enhancement. A sense of belonging is a beautiful thing, so go for it! As you dabble forward and seek to make sense out of the happenings from your own life and times puzzle… Stand strong to end the first month of this new year well…ready to carry forward...and learn or attempt something new…You just may find refreshment on the way. Exercise your lifelong learning capabilities and find some sort of PUZZLE to engage in, perhaps a recipe to try or tweak and GO FOR IT! Join the conversation here by adding in on what YOUR most challenging life puzzle is…or share something you’ve tried to learn and part of the journey you traversed in doing so… Puzzling through life Causes joy and strife With focus resilience and grit Work your way out of the pit From a maze to an acrostic or a word search Some situations threaten to leave us in a lurch The power of a puzzle… Does it feel like a muzzle? Or will you work life’s puzzles and seek to solve Finding meaningful teachable moments to resolve… In some ways all lives are a puzzle to be seen and loudly heard Other days so much action takes place without a spoken word Whatever the season However you reason May your life puzzle come together in spite of the suspense Mindfully leading your heart and soul to help it make sense © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B For extended inspiration…check out these links! https://blog.tcea.org/five-crossword-puzzle-makers/?utm_source=TCEA+Emails&utm_campaign=6bf24803e6 RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_f3a5bb651e-6bf24803e6 68333575&ct=t(RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN)&mc_cid=6bf24803e6&mc_eid=00c98f8b07 https://blog.tcea.org/happy-national-puzzle-day/

Unraveling Life's Tangles: A Journey of Inspiration, Balance, and Renewed Vigor

By Loving Lifelong Learning • 18 Jan, 2024
Recently…in the midst of navigating the regular chaos of life, seeking to process the international distress, and intentionally taking time for mindful conversations, I have been INSPIRED! Inspired by caring individuals who are questioning life as well. Motivated to find the good, because it is there. Refreshed to continue doing so many tasks I LOVE. Seeking to achieve balance. Why do we assume every piece of life has been easy? Quite frankly, it feels tangled! Not long ago, I was in the process of working with my hair, yes my hair. The set-up is amazing, including heavy duty durable outlets in a hidden cabinet and space for all of the necessary equipment to take care of my “aging” hair. This system works well, has for quite some time, keeps the bathroom tidy and is typically maneuverable. One specific day it became super complicated…oh no…all of those times I was hurrying, avoiding keeping things in order, came to haunt me with the TANGLING of much more than the 2 cords it had begun with. YIKES! I had a huge mess, was in a frantic hurry and just kept pulling and pulling and pulling. Disconnection happened. Finally, since I was unable to make use of any of the products or hair care pieces due to the invasion of the tangled mess; I stopped… Knelt down… Took a big breath… Decided to devote the necessary effort and time to regroup this area… Ahhhhhhhhh it all came back together, operating as it needed to be and soon there was no evidence of a tangle at all. In this moment I found myself, mind wondering and wishing situations in life could be ever so easy to untangle. And even more strongly, hoping I would recognize needs immediately and find a way to intentionally untangle every “ISSUE” with greater efficiency. Life does not always go as planned. Sadness looms, loved ones in my circle are fighting for their lives, light bulbs burn out, chaos prevails, calm seems to be only an unreachable dream, and happiness a mere wish. However, in the midst of all of this, let us aim to remember…Balance is key, questions are okay, and yes life is filled with an array of tangles. So…what are we to do now? I certainly don’t have exact answers…but maybe we can quest forward with renewed vigor to: Redefine balance as a goal & accept uneven terrain through the process. Perhaps find and opt for another lens to view through. Ponder living in a state of Being amidst all of the Doing. Consider whether lovingkindness is a filter for which you function. And…What about dedicating some time right now to untangling something and making TODAY your BEST DAY EVER?! Is this possible? What if we all prioritize maintaining the TANGLES by rebooting, refreshing, and reviving? And possibly attempt to approach these tasks and TANGLES as gifts to unwrap? Endeavoring to see all situations and individuals as filled with potential, and focusing on the good, the beauty, and the best, which is yet to come…WOW! Well…wouldn’t that be WONDERUL?! On the journey Life feels heavy Take the time to realize Good is there to recognize Inspiration is possible Motivation is do-able Working well through pain Feels as if there is no gain Refresh your systems to reboot & flow Embracing the next season might show The beautiful and best Even when put to test Comes through Surprising you Take a look and smile Be engaged for awhile Learning and leaning into the navigatable Living and loving through the inevitable Somehow some way Things will all be okay… Love and learn to gain and grow Others might be inspired to glow © 2024 Kathleen Bauer, Ed D Alongside her husband B
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